We used to think that when a couple remains a single whole for a long period of time its members love each other. There is sincere love, as well as a love at first sight. But there also exist such feeling as love dependency. It is nothing but submission of one or both partners. Is it good or bad? Why it occurs and what may it result in? Let’s dwell into this topic below.

The love dependency has the most destructive power: a person fell into its impact becomes involved not only into personal self-destruction process it also leads its partner to the gap edge.

Psychologists are aware of such term as love dependency. This term meaning is quite simple – it is a habit, or addiction when speaking in scientific terms that appears in coupled relations. This term most often describes the weakness for various gambling games, alcohol and narcotic stuffs.

The love dependency has the most destructive power: a person fell into its impact becomes involved not only into personal self-destruction process it also leads its partner to the gap edge. In the psychology the most dangerous love addiction is the mutual dependency – the process of the slow annihilation by the partners of each other on the subconscious level. Quite often it is too complicated to define pathological relations in the couple from the outside. However professional psychoanalyst will easily define whether partners should consider their relations thoroughly basing only on their inflexions and public behavior.

There is no love as such in the addictive couples. The first target is occupied with the habit and necessity in the permanent feeling and sensation of the partner, as well as in the self-assertion at the expense of its defects.

Complete idealization of the own personality, merging with the partner and vain attempts to search any meaning of life lead to the total elimination of the primary “Me”. A person simply ceases to exist as the full-fledged individual, it is virtually impossible to recover after such act.

Within the addictive couples there is no mutual interest as to personalities, no real passion. The showing of the feeling in the public leads to conflict situations when partners are left alone.

The emotional splashes deprived of the sincere emotions appear due to despair of the situation arose as it is impossible to explain this event by the other causes – there is no mutual interest here.

The partners don’t feel themselves as the full-fledged personalities being apart. They are a single whole according to their conception and this integrity simply cannot be broken otherwise they won’t survive without mutual support. Even the conflicts cannot cause their parting. Exactly the conflicts show the self-sacrifice most strikingly, when the one partner already cannot remain in the couple but still is unable to decline its burden.

The addictive couples with only one partner experiencing the love dependency are the most common in the real life. The mental state of such person is totally up to its partner which turn to be the center of the Universe for the whole life and the parting with this partner means nothing but to deprive oneself of the meaning of life.

The possible alternatives of the further existence are sometimes really difficult to forecast. Psychologists single out several of them that are most common ones. The parting with the partner leads the dependable person into the deep depression that may result in suicide, revenge, hate or (the most harmless variant) – the change of the person to be dependent to.

Too often the cause of the pathological dependency is in the mental trauma appeared in the childhood period. Usually these might be constant family conflicts accompanied with assault and battery, the lack of the care and esteem from the parents. Such person tries to fill up the love in its relations that he or she didn’t get in the childhood form the parents. The dependable person will self-assert permanently at the expense of its partner with the help of groundless offences, constant irritation and discontent thus posing its egoism as the love.

Psychologists mention one more feature of the love addiction – ungrounded need in love. Groundless jealousy and the constant claim for concern and caress – are the main forms of this feature. Pathological jealousy differs from the normal one by the existence of great number of claims. There exists a statement: “to be jealous of everyone” – this is the very example of the neurotic jealousy. Irrepressible fear to loose ones partner leads the dependable person to quite dangerous deeds up to the ritual murder.

The roots of the jealousy of such kind are to be searched within the years of childhood. The child was possible to fight for the parents care, competing its brothers or sisters for all the time. Another reason of groundless jealousy occurrence – is the feeling of being unneeded to one of the family members.

According to psychologists the most destructive variant for the personality is the love dependency with the effect of total physical and emotional submission of one partner to another. In the case given a person has to sacrifice its own “Me” for love. The obedience appears too often in absolute accordance with the partner’s actions, ideas and opinions solidarity even in case they conflict with personal ideas, in the criticism absence, dumb admiration and even worship.

Within such kind of couples the one partner will always play a favorite role of the prey no matter what it may lead to in the future. One partner will become of such kind as the beloved person wishes this partner to be. One partner will gain the favor and love of the other. The addict person simply forgets about the respect as the approval of all its deeds by the beloved partner is more important thing. This pathology is most difficult one to cure.

The emotional dependency on another person is equally destructive for the addict as well. The last one cannot simply imagine its life without the approving or endearing words of the partner. The need in the smile, look, becomes vitally necessary and the one has not emotional and mental power enough to get rid of such addiction. The person is involved in self-humiliation, making a reality of even the most thoughtless wants as this person is aware of being praised or presented radiant smile for such obedience and performance. In case there are no approval words the addict falls into deep depression and feels guilty for the partner’s low spirits.

Degradation and the cessation of the individual partners development starts as the love grows into the love dependency. It is very important not to cross this invisible border otherwise all the relations become senseless. No doubt the partners are to be fond of each other however they have to keep certain personal space, their own interests, ideas and opinions. The forcing and obtrusion from the one partner starts the process of elimination of the love as it is. Such relations are doomed.

It is quite important to be a single whole and remain an individual at the same time. It is not worth while taking attempts to change the person, it is better try to understand the reason of the partner’s behavior, understand the partner itself and take a correct decision.

It is necessary to understand the moment when amorousness turns not into love but into the love dependency, when both or only one of the partners start to sacrifice their lives and their individual growth. Young people between 18 and 22 years of the age are most subjected to the love dependency. A really adult life starts when the person has to take decision on its own and plan a future. For instance, I have one acquaintance that was in love dependency onto the guy a year older than her within 4 years. She knew that he was dating with her friend but still were unable to do anything and refuse his “impulsive” love. The girl just caught his every look and stood his mordant trick about her, she always welcomed him after just another date. Periodical clarifications of the mind resulted in even greater attraction to this guy. He was a strong drug, narcotic depriving her of the will and ability to think rationally.

The love dependency – is the disease that needs professional treatment. The reasons of love addiction occurrence are hiding in the long past childhood, family relations and its permanent development. A visit to the psychoanalyst will help to define the roots of this love pathology.